This morning in our teen Bible study we're in Acts 22-23. We're going to look at how God protected Paul and worked behind the scenes to bring about his purposes. Sometimes it's difficult for us to see God's hand in our lives, especially when things are difficult. But this passage reminds us that God's at work in our lives. My prayer is that this week, we can all see his hand in our lives and know he's working. May we all all strive to be part of his mission in this world this week.

I feel so sorry for Spanky, our cat whom we've had since early 1994. For the longest time the poor guy ruled the house. Then came Julia. About the only thing that inconvenienced him was a drastic change in his schedule and the fact that he no longer received as much attention.

Then came Jenna which has been a very different story in his life. Unlike Julia, Jenna is fascinated by Spanky. She puts his cat food in his water so he never has fresh water. Her idea of petting him gently is to whack him on top of the head. This morning, she was following him through the house shouting "MEEOOOWW!" at the top of her lungs. The poor guy is probably packing his bags.

Yesterday I was shopping in Sears at the San Jacinto Mall while Deana was at Baybrook Mall with her parents. I told her I had picked out two shirts and some pants. She, in turn, told her mom that she bet they were short sleeve button up shirts, one khaki the other green. Well, this is the green one. I have a khaki one as well. Yes, I'm predictable and Deana knows me too well. She laughed when I showed her the shirts.

One thing I've learned over the years in my marriage his how much more courageous I am with Deana by my side. She not only has expanded my wardrobe, but my vision of what God can do with us in his kingdom. When doubt creeps into my mind, she's right there removing it with reassurances. Now, if I could just get her fashion sense. I'm so thankful for her and her continued prodding and vision sharing with me. She makes it easier to face an uncertain world.

Deep theological discussions with a 7-year-old.

Tonight, Julia and I are going to walk in Relay for Life. Here’s a conversation Julia and I had about it on Wednesday.

Me: Julia, do you want to go to Relay for Life with me.
Julia: Sure, who are we walking for? (Usually, you walk in memory of someone who died of cancer)
Me: Well, we could walk for Grace and Belinda’s mom.
Julia: OK… Has anyone in our family died of cancer?
Me: Yes, I think mommy’s Peepaw did before I ever even met mommy.
Julia: Oh… how did Great Pa Pa die?
Me: Well, he got sick. His heart got tired. Some people’s hearts get so tired when they get very old that their heart just stops working. I think that may have happened.
Julia: Could he have gotten better?
Me: I’m not sure. His wife died a few years before, he was 88 years-old and he was ready to go be with God.
Julia: I’m only 6-years-old (She’s actually 7, so we laughed about this) and I get tired of the sin in this world.

Not that she wants to end her life, but we would talk about how sometimes God shows us grace when we get old by taking us home to be with God. She actually seemed to somewhat understand. I'm not sure thoughts like those crossed my mind until I was in my 20s.

Thomas Merton and jogging

Today, I did two things I haven't had a chance to do much of lately.. And both proved rather difficult. I read a little Thomas Merton and ran my 5 miles. I've gone from being able to run 10 miles no problem to feeling like I'm gonna die after running 5 miles. All this in only 3 months. In January, I was running nearly 40 miles per week. Until last week, since January I may have run once a week. It's amazing how quickly it all goes away. Not meaning to boast (because there are many others much faster than myself) but I could run 10 miles at about an 8:40 mile pace in January. Today, I barely survived 5 at a 9:40 pace. I was light headed and completely exhausted when I finished today. When I'm running a lot and am in better shape, my stride is more efficient, my gate is longer and I run with less effort. When I run only occasionally, it takes longer for me to settle into a rhythm and I work harder and waste more energy.

Thomas Merton was difficult because he reminds me of my need to be more attentive in my listening to God. It's kind of like running. Though I do spend time praying asking God to show me things, interceding for others and reading Scripture Merton reminds me that I don't always listen as I should because right now it seems harder than it should. Here's what he says: "The right use of effort is determined by the indications of God'w will and grace. When one is simply obeying God, a little effort goes a long way." See, it's just like running. If I run correctly, a little effort goes a long way. But to run correctly, I must run often. Same is true in my prayer life. To listen well I must listen often. So, this morning I did something I hadn't done in a while. Rather than ask God for anything, I simply sat and said "Speak," and then I remained quiet. Oh was it difficult I tell you. My mind wanted to pray for others, my heart wanted to speak, but I didn't.

So, today was difficult. Just like I can't simply pick up where I left off three months ago running 10 miles, I can't simply pick up where I left off when it comes to being absolutely still before the Lord. But both are critical to my well being. I look forward to getting back into shape.

This is what living with me does to my kids. But aren't they cute!







Now, some would say that from this angle, Jenna is the spitting image of her daddy! I think she has more hope of filling in the gaps on her head than I do.

Lesson 4: Marriage has taught me how to pray

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts; see if there is anything offensive in me, and lead me in the everlasting way” – David

For some reason, one of the most difficult adjustments in my marriage has been my prayer life with Deana. It’s always been awkward. I feel as I am Ben Stiller’s character in Meet the Parents when he’s asked to pray and doesn’t really know how. It has gone up and down over the years, but in general it is more difficult for me to pray with Deana than with just about anyone else. As we have struggled with this I think I am beginning to understand why this is so. I hope this makes sense.

When I pray with others, no matter who it is, there is instantly some emotional distance. It doesn’t matter if it’s a close friend, and elder, on of my other ministers, a parent or student. I’m not as intimate in those relationships as I am with Deana. There is a sense of otherness there. On the surface that may seem like it would hinder my ability to pray, but it actually makes it safer. I can word prayers eloquently, I can pray fervently, I can pray when I’m dealing with things I don’t want others to know and they’ll never know. This isn’t to say my prayers aren’t genuine; it’s to say that there’s a mask there to some degree.

However, when I pray with Deana, it doesn’t matter how passionate my prayer is, how wordy it is, or what I do externally because she can instantly push past those things to the heart of it. I guess this means that there can be absolutely no pretense when we pray together. She knows me better than anyone. She can look at me for 5 seconds and know exactly how I’m doing and what I’m thinking. I think that this makes it uncomfortable to pray at times because no matter what, I’m much more vulnerable. Really, my only choice is to be honest.

This, in turn, has better helped me understand my relationship with God. When it comes to me and God, I can’t sugarcoat my life. I can’t dress it up. I can’t hide what’s going on by using the right words. When I go to my room alone I have come to realize God knows more about me than I do about myself, and then it becomes awkward.

However, the more I pray with Deana, the more comfortable I am with the fact that nothing is hidden. Through my years of marriage this is helped me come to terms with the reality that the same is true with the Lord. As I’ve become more comfortable with this it has changed the way I pray. On one hand I realize, like Isaiah, that I’m a person of unclean lips who lives among a people of unclean lips. At the same time, I’m free to be completely honest about who I am. What’s great about this, I can do the same with Deana.

Lesson 3: My life is not my own to do whatever I want

Summer of 1994 was the last summer I lived in Alaska. Deana and I had been married less than a year at that point. We arrived in Kenai in May and I began working as an environmental assessment intern for UNOCAL. During the months of June and July when the fish are moving into the Kenai River I would spend as much spare time fishing. I basically would work, sleep and fish. Many nights I would get off work at 5 p.m., go home grab a quick bite to eat and hit the river. Deana spent a lot of time with my mom while I spent a lot of time on the river.
Lion King was released in the theaters that summer and Deana really wanted to see it. The only problem was that it was playing in our local theater during the time the salmon run was at its peak. Needless to say, she saw Lion King while I caught fish. She did go fishing with me often. In fact I have video of her, Matt Kimball and I on the Russian River one night. She also outfished me on her birthday when a group of us from church went fishing one Sunday night after worship.

What I’ve learned over the years in my marriage is that the more focused I am on my wants and desires the less available I am to Deana and I really miss out when that happens. When I become too concentrated on my agenda I miss out on the relationship, the time together, and conversations that bring true intimacy to our relationship. When I become too caught up in myself I fail to truly connect in a way that makes Deana feel valued and cherished. In fact, I’ve learned that when I get too busy doing “my thing” a gap is opened between me and Deana. If I’m not careful we become more like roommates than husband and wife. The friendship suffers, intimacy is lost. This may seem like such a simple lesson, but it’s been profound in my life. In our marriage probably the biggest key to intimacy is availability. By that, I mean being available to really connect with one another. This can’t happen if I’m not around. So, I’m careful to try to give us time together though I know it’s still often not enough.

Paul tells us that our lives are not our own. We were bought with a price; therefore we are to honor God with our bodies. I think my marriage teaches me this principle. Since Deana and I are one I cannot do whatever I want without regard for her. The same is true with God. Learning to honor Deana by considering her before my desires teaches me to honor God with my life as well.

Lesson 2: R-E-S-P-E-C-T

On New Year’s Eve of 1995, Deana was working late at the Bryan/College Station Eagle. She had asked me to pick her up at midnight because she would be done by then. Well, I had been to a New Year’s Eve party hosted by some friends in our young marrieds Bible class and had lost track of time. I neglected to tell Deana I would be at that party and we didn’t have cell phones either. I showed up 30 minutes late and she was worried that I had been killed by a drunk driver. At the time I didn’t think it was such a big deal… Let’s say I now know better.

When we first married I thought I understood Deana. I mean, I knew going in she squeezed the toothpaste tube from the middle while I did from the bottom. I knew she liked the arts while I loved sports. She hated math and I hated to read. I knew these things, so I thought I understood her… and respected her. But over time, I began to realize I didn’t show her the respect she deserved. As I was learning to be funny, some of my attempts at humor would come at her expense. As I was learning to be available to students in ministry I would often make my home available without checking with her. As I was learning to juggle a schedule I would often make plans without first checking with her. I never tried to understand. Honestly, I never really even considered her because I thought I was just doing my work.

But as I learned to listen to my bride and really discern what was on her heart I began to see that though I thought I respected her, in practice I didn’t. She deserved better than what I was giving her. She deserved for me to consider her before myself. She deserves for me to put her before ministry. In fact, she deserves to partner with me in ministry to our family, both our biological and spiritual. I may be the spiritual leader, but the best leaders always include others, in fact they raise up leaders. As I began to listen to Deana better, to more clearly understand her, my respect for her has grown and my love for her has deepened. I now say with the greatest humility I can muster, I married way better than I deserved. God has indeed been gracious to me.

Consider these words from Gary Thomas’ Sacred Marriage:

“I had to work to better understand [my wife] before I could truly respect her, and I had to respect her before I could fully love her. This is a tremendously therapeutic process, an emptying of myself so I can grow more in my love for others… When I learn to give respect I become transformed in the process.”

“Giving respect to others brings light and life into our lives. It leads us in the end to respect the God who created all of us and shapes us as he sees fit. It is an essential discipline, and marriage provides us daily opportunities to grow in this area.”

If I can’t learn to truly respect those closest to me, how can I truly learn to respect the Lord? In order to truly respect and love others, I must begin with the one that’s most dear to me.

This day must have seemed hopeless to those who followed Jesus. It must have felt as if all their dreams had been shattered. Their hopes now gone with the dead "Messiah." They had thought Jesus was really the One. There had been imposters in the past. Others had claimed to be the deliverer. But this man was different. He did things no other could. But, in the end he suffered a similar fate.

It must have been hard for the followers. They had given over three years of their lives to following this man. Many left jobs and loved ones behind. Some risked rejection from family, others death. They put everything into this man. They truly believed. On this day a little over 2000 years ago what were they thinking? Do they return to their homes and resume their lives? Could they? Do they dare consider believing in another? This one really let them down. They surely were dazed an confused.

Maybe this day is for those today who are hurting, who can't see a way out. The pain is too much right now. Maybe you feel the "sting of death" as Paul puts it. Sometimes, even for those of us who follow Christ, we go through moments that seem so dark. We can't find our way out. Sometimes we feel as if He has let us down. We wonder what happened. We prayed and fasted. We sought the counsel of others. We did everything we could. Yet, nothing worked. If you've ever been there you know the pain the disciples felt on this day.

To fail to recognize that at times we feel disappointment, hurt and anger because we feel the Lord has failed us is to miss part of the story. We don't like to acknowledge we feel this from time to time. It seems a bit heretical. But to not do so would be to fail to be real. Part of the story lies in the fact that God is at work even when we can't see it. On this day, God still had a plan two thousand years ago. On this day, God was doing something. On this day there was still hope, the followers just didn't know it. So on this day, we acknowledge we hurt. We acknowledge that all is not always right. Here are some words to one of my favorite Third Day songs

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye
And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith in love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

When your lonely
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who struggles with being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

During the next week or so, I'll share some things I've learned from my marriage. I tend to agree with Gary Thomas in his book Sacred Marriage. Marriage is't designed to make me happy. It's to make me holy. In other words, my 12 years of marriage has led me towards God.

Lesson 1: Learning to love

When Deana was pregnant with Julia we were living in Abilene. I was in my first semester of graduate school for Bible at ACU while trying to finish up my master's at Texas A&M. As soon as I finished class on Thursday in Abilene I would head to College Station to do my research at TAMU. It wasn't much fun, but I thought I could finish by December if I worked hard. Well, Deana's body didn't like pregnancy. She had morning sickness, mid-morning sickness, lunch sickness, mid-afternoon sickness, evening sickness, late night sickness. She would be so sick she actually lost weight during her first trimester. The doctor insisted she would stop this after about 17 weeks. She didn't. It affected her job at ACU. She used up all her sick leave within a few months.

Deana would get so sick and dehydrated we would find ourselves in the emergency room while doctors stuck her with needle trying to find a shriveled vein to give her the fluids she needed to feel better. It never failed. Nearly every time I left town on Thursdy, within 24 hrs I would receive a call from Brenda telling me she was taking Deana to the hospital. I would quickly pack my things back up, shut down my research and head home. Needless to say, I didn't finish the work at A&M.


When I first got married I thought I loved my wife. Truth is that was more hormones than anything. I liked my wife a lot. I was infatuated with this hot blonde with really nice legs. There were things she had already taught me about myself even before she came down that aisle. As she walked down that aisle on Aug. 14, 1993 I knew it was right, but I didn't love her... yet. What my marriage has taught me over the years is how to love not just Deana, but others as well. In my marriage, God gave me the choice to pick who I would love and to spend the rest of my life learning how to love her... and love him. Through Deana's difficult pregnancy and having to put my goals on hold, I learned to serve my wife and carry for her needs. I learned how to try to make her happy. We both still talk about how God used Julia's pregnancy to draw us closer to each other.

Now, I can't bear to see Deana in pain. One of the worst experiences for me is to watch her get poked with a needle because of how difficult it was when she was pregnant and sick. I can't bear to watch when Deana suffers. I'm super-excited when something good happens to her. I get angry when people write letters to the editor criticizing something she has written. I won't tolerate people showing her disrespect. This is my bride, one whom I love and have given my life to loving.

Here are some words from Sacred Marriage:

"It is far less of a leap for a man to love a woman or for a woman to love a man than it is for either of us to love God. "

"But I think it is more than that. I think marriage is designed to call us out of ourselves and to learn to love the 'different.' Put together in the closest situation imaginable -- living side by side, sleeping in the same room, even, on occasion, sharing our bodies with each other -- we are forced to respect and appreciate someone who is radically different."

"We need to be called out of ourselves because, in truth, we are incomplete. God made us to find our fulfillment in him - the Totally Other. Marriage shows us that we are not all there is; it calls us to give way to another, but also to find joy, happiness, and even ecstacy in another."

I don't know what it is, but for the past month I have been getting up earlier than usual. For most of the school year, I'd wake up around 6 AM, but lately it's more like 5:00 - 5:30 a.m. What I'm beginning to come to terms with through these past few weeks is that this might be from God because it has been in these extended mornings of solitude that I have been learning more about myself, my bride, my God and have begin to really connect with God in ways that I haven't in a long time. I've been in Scripture and prayer more. I've also been able to read more books from writers who encourage me to live like Christ. The past 4 mornings I have revisited Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. Here are some selections from this book that I have been considering this morning.

"The real transforming work of marriage is the twenty-four-hours-a-day, seven-days-a-week commitment. This is the crucible that grinds and shapes us into the character of Jesus Christ. Instead of getting up at 3:00 a.m. to begin prayer in a monastary, the question becomes 'Who will wake up when the baby's diaper needs changing?' Marriage calls us to an entirely new and selfless life... Any situation that calls me to confront my selfishness has enormous spiritual value, and I began to slowly understand that the real purpose of marriage may not be happiness as mush as it is holiness."

It doesn't take a mountain-top moment, intense worship or a moving sermon to be transformed spiritually. In fact, I think we will find that we are changed more profoundly by the daily grind. It's within the context of the natural rhythms of our lives that we are shaped, especially in our marriages. Our marriages provide the context for the greatest potential for spiritual growth because it is in this sacred relationship where we learn to truly love, honor and respect another. It's in a marriage where our patience, humility, kindness, gentleness, self-control, and faithfulness are forged.

"To spiritually benefit from marriage, we have to be honest. We have to look at our disappointments, own up to our ugly attitudes, and confront our selfishness. We also have to rid ourselves of the notion that the difficulties of marriage can be overcome if we simply pray harder or learn a few simple principles."

"What if God didn't design marriage to be 'easier?' What if God had an end in mind that went beyond our happiness, our comfort, and our desire to be infatuated and happy as if the world were a perfect place?"

It's in the context of my marriage I'm learning most profoundly that my life really isn't about me. I'm not on center stage' my bride isn't on center stage; my children aren't on center stage. God is. My marriage reminds me daily that ultimate fulfillment in my life can only come from the Lord. To expect my bride to make me whole or bring ultimate fulfillment is asking too much. The same is true of my bride. If she looks to me for every need, she'll be let down by me. Consider these words

"The marriage relationship creates the opportunity for us to be reminded of our need for God when we become disillusioned by the inability to receive all the love we need and desire from fellow humans, This inescapable disillusionment can lead to the anguish of serial marriages. Instead of realizing that our true needs can be ultimately met only in and by God, some people keep trying to find their fulfillment in new realtionships thinking what they really need to find is the 'right' person when, when translated, usually means a new person. Christianity does not direct us to focus on finding the right person; it calls us to become the right person."

Rather than look to the right person, may all of us strive to become the right person.

This morning in my quiet time I came upon Paul’s words in 1 Corinthians 6:18-20:

“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body.”

I’m still coming to terms with this text. The body is inherently good because God made it. It seems then that pleasures are good as well since God gave us taste buds, sexuality, and other things that bring pleasure. Yet, for much of my life I was taught to deny myself many of those pleasures. Some were seen as bad. It’s not the physical stuff (body, pleasures, etc) that is bad. These are indeed good because God made them. If all God’s created order is made to bring him glory, then I must learn how to direct my life in its totality toward him. This makes me think of the following words from Lauren Winner’s book Real Sex:

“Bodies are central to the Christian story. Creation inaugurates that bodies are good, but the consequences of the fall are written on our bodies – our bodies will sweat as we labor in the fields, our bodies will hurt as we bear children, and, most centrally, our bodies will die. If the fall is written on the body, salvation happens in the body too. The kingdom of God is transmitted through Jesus’ body and is sustained in Christ’s body, the church. Through bodily suffering of Christ on the cross and the bodily resurrection of Christ from the dead, we are saved. Bodies are not mirrors in which we see consequences of the fall; they are also, in one theologian’s phrase ‘where God has chosen to find us in our fallenness.’ Bodies are who we are and where we live; they are not just things God created us with, but means of knowing him and abiding with him.”

I’m not sure that what I’m writing communicates clearly what I’m thinking. Suffice it so say I want to live life abundantly in this body, in this time, and in this place. I want my life to be exactly as God would have it to be – pointing others to him and the joys and pleasures that come from such a life.

“In God’s eyes the most significant is often the most hidden.” – Henri Nouwen

Saturday afternoon I spent a couple of hours assisting some local athletes. Many needed help with their bibs. Some needed a person to lead them to the starting line. All of them needed us to cheer them as they ran, jumped or threw the shot. Whether they were first place or last in their event they all had smiles on their faces. They all were delighted to be there. They relished the spotlight. For many, they are most likely ignored by their peers. Many might look right past them in their lunch rooms. Some might make fun of them for their disabilities. Others sometimes push right past them as if they didn’t matter. On this day, everyone in the stadium was in their corner. Everyone was their fan. What a great day!

Though I was only there for 2 hours and my part in the day was small, I left a different person. The few Olympians I got to help affected me. Their smiles and laughter helped me to see how good God’s creation is in spite of our brokenness. In fact, I might say that it is this brokenness that makes his creation so beautiful. So, I must say I had a great afternoon for a couple of hours Saturday thanks to a group of gifted athletes. These are most definitely the Special Olympics.

"It's not about you; it's not about me; it's not even about them; it's all about him." - Todd Brown

“Do something for somebody every day for which you do not get paid.” Albert Schweitzer

"Life's most urgent question is: What are you doing for others?" Martin Luther King, Jr.

"To do more for the world than the world does for you - that is success." Henry Ford

Sometimes it seems as if I'm talking to a blank wall. Sometimes it seems as if nothing is getting through. Sometimes it seems as if what I do doesn't matter or make a difference. But what I've been convicted of is what a self-centered view that is. I don't serve others or minister to others to see the fruits. Truth is, that's not my responsibility to bring about fruit. It really isn't about me at all, but I sure like to make it about me.

I consider Moses. He guided the Israelites for 40 years. It was Moses who interceded for the people every single day. It was Moses who labored selflessly. I wonder if he was ever frustrated. I wonder if he wanted to throw in the towel and just end it all. He worked so hard. He gave up his life for this people, and yet he was not the one to take the people into the Promise Land.

In the midst of some struggles and personal questions I read the following this morning:

"So don't get tired of doing what is good. Don't get discouraged and give up for we will reap a harvest of blessings at the appropriate time. Whenever we have the opportunity we should do good to everyone, especially to our Christian brothers and sisters."

What a great day yesterday was for sports fan. Baseball season began and what a success it was last night. Roy Oswalt pitched a 5 hit shut out and the Astros beat the Marlins 1-0. Can Oswalt have his third consecutive 20 game winning season?


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Have you ever felt helpless? Maybe you were stuck on the side of the road in the middle of nowhere without a cell phone. Maybe you locked yourself out of your house and had no way of getting in or any place to go because your car keys were in the house. In those moments all you can do sit and do the unthinkable... wait. You thought of everything you possibly could do, and tried it, but it didn't work. So, you finally resign to the fact that you have got to wait for help to come by.

I'm thinking of people I love who I want so desperately to help, but feel so powerless to do so. I think of people I know and love who are feeling this way right now. They're hurting because they feel as if they are at the end of their rope. As I prayed for these people and considered their lives (and mine for that matter) I remembered Paul's words in the opening chapters of 2 Corinthians. I consider Paul's words "these things happened that we might rely on God."

So, what does it look like to rely on God in these moments? What does it feel like in your heart? How do you know that you're relying on him during these times when you pace back and forth waiting knowing there is nothing else to do? What do you do when you find yourself in one of those moments? How do you respond when you've done everything you can do and nothing seems to work?

UCLA and Florida play tonight. My brackets were obliterated. UCLA I could envision. However, I didn't expect them to do what they did to LSU. Florida I never would have guessed. That is March Madness in April. Duke is still the team though. Gotta love Coach K. They have produced more national players of the year than any time. Says a lot about Coach K.